Untitled

Don't regret.

Don't think.

Don't let your mind wander

to where it shouldn't be.

Don't regret.

Don't think back,

back to the past where you should've

made the wrong turn instead.

Don't regret,

never ever think.

Don't remember things,

things you should've completely erased.

-7july09

Where I used to lie

This where i used to lie.

Where I could see the clouds,

hovering above.

Like wings of angel,

like feathers, like dust.

This is where i used to lie.

Where the rain could pour on me,

Steadily. Freely.

Like a warm shower,

on sometime cold.

Like a soothing towel,

on a bitter noon.

This where i used to lie.

This ground, of mossy floor.

Like cushions, like sheets.

Warmed and softened,

smoothed with love.

This is where i used to lie.

Before it all ended,

the same mossy ground

you used to hug.

That is where you forgot to look,

when things around us crumbled to dust.

That is the place, you'll always look back,

with a bittersweet smile that says:

'I'll never forget'

-13july09

Intersection

You said, we can meet
In an intersection after all
You said, you wanted to meet
Even just once, even in a glare
I knew that we’re not meant to be
I knew that ours was doomed till the end
Yet, for all those times
I waited for you, it was as you asked
I stood here waiting at one edge
On the square of an intersection

The stoplight across me turned crimson red
The color of blood, the color of love
Cars cut and run alike,
Through which the hidden barrier once stood

You said, we can finally meet
In an intersection miles from home
You said, even if we were to meet
It was just once, not even another time
I knew, this time would be our first
I knew, this was bound to be last
Yet, I still came
Waiting for you, who I only saw in still frames
Standing here waiting impatiently, wondering
On the edge of an intersection square

The spotlight turned green
The color of grass, the color of buds
The cars stopped,
It struck me – this one thought

You said, we are to meet
In an intersection where I stood
You said, we can finally meet
Even if you’re committed to someone else
I knew it’s all bound to die
I knew that we’re heading nowhere
Yet, I still came
Waiting for you, whom I knew never lied
Standing here at the middle of nowhere
Realizing once more, that we’re never bound to meet

You said, we can finally meet
In an intersection away from you
You said even just this once
Even though it’s somewhat unsure
I never knew I was deceived
I never knew it’s all a lie
Yet, all this time
Waiting for you, in this sweet time
Standing here in shame, wondering why you never shown
Even just a flash in this intersection square

Don't want to know

I don’t want to know more
Of what I already do
I don’t want to learn more
Than I could bear
I don’t want to remember
Every single little thing
I don’t want to live with
Yet another curse
Won’t you take it away?
My memories and wits
I don’t want anything at all
That has to do with it.

I couldn’t account on
When this disease started to spread
I couldn’t acknowledge
On what is the cause of this ailment
Even naming it became
So much like a sin

Please take it away, won’t you take it away
The memories I work so hard to rid

I don’t want to know more
Of what I already acquired
I don’t want to learn more
More than I could intake
I don’t want to be reminded
Of every little thing I knew
I don’t want to take another step
In a land forbidden to sanity
Won’t you take it away?
Lighten my load
I don’t want it all
Why am I the only one?

I don’t want to know more
Anymore than this
I don’t want it learned
I’m ok with what I already have
I don’t want to be imposed
On things I have no control
I don’t want it all
Won’t you take it away?
And all the responsibilities
that come along with it

Fit in

Woke up, threw on the clothes
Laid out last night
It doesn’t matter whether I eat
It’s not as if they’ll figure it out
Walked on, this everyday habit of mine
Checked out my clothes
It doesn’t matter if I’m late
It’s not as if they care about

Do I look the same?
Do I not stand out?
Its okay, it’s cool
I just want to fit in

Tired of being treated like an invisible wall
A fly, like nobody even spotted me
Tired of being ignored all the time
Worse than being all alone
It’s as simple as being needed
I want to be known, so I’ll feel my worth
I want to fit in, for what’s its worth
I just want to fit in

Went home from school
Late last night
Doesn’t matter, where I went
It’s not that it matter where I stood my ground
Walked on, bells ringing in my ears
They sure could bang it with ease
It doesn’t matter who I’m with
There’s never really one to begin with

Do I look insane?
Do I feel surreal?
Is it really okay? Is it really cool?
When all I really wanted was a crowd to fit in

Tired of feeling insecure and frail
A little grass on a soccer field
Tired of being passed on and used
Worse than the feeling, you don’t belong
I want to be talked to, like a normal person should
I want to be thanked, for all I did
I really just want to fit in

Just want not to feel worthless
A little kid lost in parade
Just want not to feel pain
The feeling of torture self-inflict
Tired of being a jerk just to fit in
Tired of holding back anguish and tears
Don’t wan to care if I show my fears
Is it all bad when I just want to fit in?

Nightmare in a Dream

She’s right there smiling,
Worrying over you
She’s right there waiting,
Waiting just for you
With her, you kept pushing,
Pushing her away
With her, you’ll keep blinding,
Pretending not to see

What if you found out,
she’s too good to be true?
What if you found out,
it’s not bound to be true?
Underneath her, a lingering trace
Underneath her, the one you loathe
Until you’ll wake, not realizing
It’s just another nightmare in a dream

She’s not the one crying,
It’s all her disguise
She’s not really the one hurting,
It’s just in your mind
With her, you would not wake,
Still immersed in your dreams
With her, you ended up losing,
Denying what to believe

What if you never found out,
the real ‘she’ whom you hate?
What if you never found,
she, who betrayed your trust?
Forced upon her, the bidden truth
Imposed upon her, the role she acts
Until you wake, reality will shatter
It’s all in a nightmare in a dream

What if you never really loved her,
she, who gave you out?
What if you leave her,
she, who never gives up?
Underneath her, a bloody rose
Underneath her, you struggled to pose
Until it becomes clear
It’s nothing like the nightmare you used to dream

Don't Come Near

Remember, once I was told not to pry
Knock at the door, once closed
Climb not the tower, with no steps
Don’t pester with such questions
Don’t read their tiny moves
Don’t act with such intent
Don’t come near with such a fear in your heart

Be still, the words kept coming
Be still, it won’t go away
Sit still and don’t fret
Don’t know more of what you already do

This door is mine to open alone
Those are windows meant to say ‘keep out’
Don’t wander on the path I forbid
Don’t live with my darkness clouding you

Remember, once I told you not to pry
Like that one other who told me too
Climb not the stairs with broken glass
Don’t ask about those trivial things
Don’t write with words you can’t even tell
Don’t watch some play with tears on your eyes
Don’t come near or you’ll have the same fate

And still, your life in the box
Yet still, you kept banging at
Sit still, please don’t fret
Don’t find out what my heart hides

This key is mine to use alone
This line is where I still stood
Don’t cross over and see
Don’t let my darkness cloud over you

Remember, you’re not to pry
Leave it alone, keep out of it
The pieces I threw out are my own mess
Don’t knock on the door once it closed
Don’t walk around wearing no shoes
Don’t stray in the grounds where there is no light
Don’t you dare come near and take it away

Remember, what I just asked
This fortress, I stood, is mine alone
I won’t let you enter, whatever you do
Don’t use your tears, I won’t fall for that
Don’t use your life to your own delight
Don’t waste your time with such intent
Don’t come near, with that fate in hand

Blessing in the Rain

They say its good luck for it to be rained
When the sun hides first and the drops of water seems to shine
When the smell of the earth began to diffuse
And when the wind blows gently like a whisper in the ear

It’s way past the time, when the showers come
It’s like the time had stopped and everything stood still
Like the birds at the sky stopping to sing
Like the fish in the sea wagging its fin
Like the trees and the leaves and the grasslands too
Swaying and dancing on the wind-breeze’s song
Or the mud-splash clatters of the soil and the rain
Everything goes at it’s own pace,
Won’t you see the blessing the rain brings?

They say farewell to an act well done
When the sun disappears so suddenly and fast
When the smell of the earth became so entranced
And when every gust of the wind is a tickle in the ear

It’s way past time, when the rain pours
It’s like the time freezes and everything slowed
Like the birds flying, taking shelter in the trees
Like the fish diving to the deepest seas
Like the plants and the flowers and the bushes too
Swaying and dancing in a skylark’s hum
Or the waning droplets of little rain
Everything slows then hastens its pace
The rainbow’s sparkling like the blessing the rain brings

Scream and Release

Bumped someone, hadn’t mess at all
Kicked around, someone would’ve seen
Apologize, shouldn’t we give in
It’s not the fault, can’t we get even

We’re tired, we know
We’re sick, let go
Set us free, into the night

So scream, get angry
Don’t be afraid, don’t hold back
Don’t be ashamed, it’s all right
Let all your anger, don’t keep it inside
Scream with all, relieve the pain
Forget about what later could bring

Saturday, and the good guys were running
What we did, wasn’t worth fighting
Must’ve been, went all out of control
It’s not the fault, don’t put the blame

We’re tired, we just told you so
We’re sick, of these childish games
Set us free, this night we’ll rave

So scream, get angry
Don’t falter, don’t stop
Keep running, up all night
Let out your anger boiled inside
Scream at them, relieve the pain
Unleash the insanity the night would bring

So scream, don’t be confined
Don’t be afraid, we won’t hold back
We’re not ashamed, not anymore
Release all those flames, created inside
Scream, just scream
Forget about tomorrow, you’ll wake without pain

That Little guy

Walking past the town, people running around
Remember when, they used to tell
Time seems to fly when you’re having fun
Don’t kid around, it’s but a lie

Ask him, this guy
Living with no existence
Ask him, the living dead
How is it to live 200 years in trance?

He just got home,
From his wretched job
He found it home,
Somewhere he could name
He found someone,
From his meanings came
He’s to be asked,
On how not to fall flat on one’s face

Walking past this town, following her around
Remembering what they used to say
Time seems to fly when you’re having fun
He proved it right, this living soul

He fell in love, that spirit guy
Must be luck, if you think you’re done
It wasn’t so, he’s so messed up
And she doesn’t care at all

He just got home,
This guy in love
He found it home,
She doesn’t care
His love remains,
On the other side untouched
How can you ask?
On how not to fall flat on one’s face

It can’t be bad,
When she doesn’t care
He’ll move on,
From his despair
She called out, he smiled at her
Yet underneath, suppose we ask
Who’s the little guy,
Silently crying in pain?

Wings

Grant me the power
So I could fly on to him
Give me those feathers
So I could be at his side
Let me weave it so
Just let me see his face
I’ll sew on my own wings
Just let me see his face

It’s been years since we parted
It’s been years since it stopped
My memories are fading away
My memories of him fleeing astray

Refresh my mind, so I wouldn’t forget
Unwind my time, so it could go back
Why wouldn’t you let me so?
Don’t take it away
The vague image in my head

I’ll steal the power
So I could sit beside him
I’ll snatch all the feathers
So I could see him laugh
Let me weave it all
Just so I could see his face
I’ll sew it all to make my wings
Just so I could see his face

Stop this time, don’t let if flow
I’m trying to sit still,
Why won’t you let me?
Now it’s all flying away like birds in the sky

Catch all those birds, cage them
I should put them back, the pieces of my wings
Why wouldn’t you let me go?
I’ll do what it takes
Just don’t let me forget

I pray for the power
So I could see him again
I plea for those feathers
So I could touch him too
Allow me to weave it
Even if it’s just for a face
I’ll mend my broken wings
Even if it’s just his face

Deception and Lies

You saw her, this pretty youth
Staring at the world beneath her feet
High on the terrace of the castle floor
You were charmed by her innocence
Her beautiful, wondering eyes
And thus, it resolved, you’d take her for a bride

Deception and Lies are often twined
The illusions she cast to hide
She’s not as ugly or as hideous as it sounds
But her eyes held nothing even a spark of life

And one day you’ll just discover
It was just an act, a fad
A fairy tale full of deception and lies
Every scene her mask changes
Until you slapped her, does the truth came
The face you once admired
Was nothing more but a blank space

Truth was there for you to see
It was that, who she really was
Without rhymes or reasons
Nor words and wards
Not even an incantation to spare
You left her alone headed into the dark

Not even did you feel slight disarray
With the mess she strived to hide
All she ever did was to conceal and to make seem
The imperfection bestowed upon, was not really there

And soon, history deceived unraveled
Before thousands, millions of pairs of eyes
A fairy tale with no happy ending
Made of wood and sap, her variety of masks
Until she was slapped, does the truth come
The face that was once admired
Was nothing more but mischief of kind

Sleping Beauty

It was chaos, at the very start
The time of war, of crimson blood
Of knives heavy with the smell of life
It was that time when she
Stumbled upon the forbidden spinning wheel

Who was she, this little one?
Prophesied with her destiny sealed
Who was she, this little girl?
Whose vital role was to comply?
Staring at the working wheel
Drawing droplets of blood
And giving in to her dreaded curse

For a thousand years may have passed
Still she slept on, this girl
Another thousand years
When he found her ageless and out of place

Who was she, this little one?
Sleeping in a bed of dust
Who was she, this little girl?
Guarded by the cobweb’s spiders
Old ruins of a spinning wheel
Heavily stained, with that of blood
Alas she woke, ending her dreaded curse
This little girl, he kissed upon.

Division

Math class, i'm bored
Who cares on division?
It’s sordid to think
Got out as the bell just rang

Happy to know
It’s all through
My friends in trail
But then you appeared
We stumbled like domino chips

It was when I saw you that sparks came flying
It was the same moment that you appeared
I was sure it was you
So I ran around with this beating heart
Ran around till I was out of breath
Then I stopped,
I realized, I fell
I fell for you.

The next day
I wasn’t bored
I didn’t even listened
I was thinking of you
It’s crazy, I know
But you see it’s not just any nonsense
It’s real and it’s wonderful
And I really liked it!

It was when that day that I fell
It was that same moment that I realized
You are the one who did this
Making me feel dizzy
Making me feel warm
But then I had to stop
You let me realize,
I could not reach,
You’re already in a place
I could not enter

It’s that sad day
I came to love
You taught me division
In ways more painful than it should feel
Now, I could totally understand
How can one become thousand million pieces

That Little Girl

I am not that little girl you used to know
I am not that little puppet who laughs at you
That little one who runs crying from pain
That little girl who just grew up

Look at me,
I’m that little girl
You can’t turn her back
I swallowed her whole
She’ll never come back
Even if you bleed from tearing up

You’ll hear not that innocent laugh
Nor her stupid questions she used to ask
You’ll see not how she managed not to fall
How can you when you’ve not really cared.

And now, it’s too late
You’ll never reach her out
You might stumble and she’ll not see
You’re far away; she’s already left you behind
Don’t run and chase, you’re slower than she.

By now, you gave up
Swimming in the memory of her youth
You’re not getting younger
Neither is she,
But at least, treat her still
Like that one little girl you used to love.

Then maybe, probably
She’s still there, awaiting your return

It Wasn't That

It was just a day, like any other
You were there; I saw, waved from afar
You waved back, I can’t tell
Is it me or another one behind me?

I got to wear some thick glasses
I got to get my eyes checked
I watched you, you disappeared
Looked for you, found you by my side
You asked me, I couldn’t utter
What was it you just said?
I turned back, ran away
You don’t even know the reason why I did

Wasn’t that I wasn’t crazy for you
Wasn’t that I was pretending to be
It wasn’t even your false yellow blond hair
Or even your blue eye contacts
Even if you list all the ‘what ifs’
Even if your eyes got all white
Waiting for you seems to be a hobby
And it wasn’t just because you’re special

How did you ever come by?
How did you found me out?
Is it really true?
Or just paranoia seeping through
You took me by surprise
Didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to react
I don’t want to doubt you
But now I’m just trying to believe you

Wasn’t that I am rejecting
Wasn’t that I feel you’re worthless
Even if your head goes hairless
I wouldn’t care if you used too much hair gel
It’s always ‘cause you’re so caring
It’s always ‘cause you really loved me
Waiting for you s not just a hobby
It’s my life, just as you’ll always be

It wasn’t just that you I think I love you
It’s always true, so don’t you regret now

My Fairy Tale

This morning I plan to take
The daily bus on daily route
Instead I woke up late and begins the day,
With one weird dream.

It all went downhill
But downhill it really isn’t
For this is the time
When something actually went right

Is this what it is?
Is this the wish on the shooting star?
Are you my dream turning reality?

But what if it’s not?
What if it’s another dream?
Couldn’t pinch myself,
Afraid to get up
This is real?
Is this real?
What is the truth?
Or it’s a child’s game came true
Nothing but a fairy tale

I ran fast, ducked and spun
Where am I heading?
Seeing if it’s real or not?
Who do I kid?
This is nothing but something weird
I need to get out of this painful hope.

Couldn’t be happy because I’m scared
Couldn’t focus because I think
I’m losing it, I had to stop.
This isn’t a dream,
This is real,
It’s my reality
It’s my fairy tale.

Erase what I just said
It’s not just a dream
I could even slap myself
Ran around crazily
I could feel, I wouldn’t escape
This is real, yes, it’s real
This is the truth
Not just any game
This is it, my own fairy tale.

You

I walked across the street
Didn’t see the car approach
Didn’t hear those annoying calls
Till you pushed me out of the dark

I escaped those grasps I am about to receive
I surpassed the time I’m supposed to pass
You took away the clog
In my flooding tub
Cast me aside, you gave me life

This is the world I came to know.
This is the place I’ve accustomed in
Here I am drenched in an invisible sweat
Manipulated by unseen strings
But you, you were there
When all seems to be placed in the end
You were there when I needed someone the most.

Called the puppeteer
Wrote my letter of sighs and byes
I’m almost flying free
From these chains I’m bound upon
Ran out and headed out, jogging with a smile
I head towards you with a radiant face.
You, who gave back my life,

Now I’ve come to depend on you
I’ve come to learn to lean on you
Would you leave too?
Would you go away?
Would you push me back to the dark?
Back to where,
Back to where there’ll be no you.

This is the world I came to know.
This is the place I’ve accustomed in
Here I am drenched in an invisible sweat
Manipulated by unseen strings
But you, you were there
When all seems to be placed in the end
You were there when I needed someone the most.










26nov08

Tell me

I did it again
It seems it can’t be helped
I didn’t obey and it’s thrice already

What is my crime?
Is it really that wrong?
If you just say so,
I won’t do it again without your permission

Tell me, tell me
What is wrong?
What is right?
What is not?
What I should do?
Give me a hint,
Tell me off,
Do what you please,
Just notice me.

I simply do these things
To be in attention
I want to do this for you.

Does it hurt?
It wasn’t intended.
Are you pleased?
I can’t see what is not.

Now you came,
You showed up,
Your eyes lit up with emotions
I couldn’t understand.
Swiftly your eyes flashed
And in a blink of an eye,
You were gone once again.

I just hate those things you do to me.
Why don’t you just wake up…?
And please tell me…

Tell me, tell me
What is wrong?
What is right?
What is not?
What I should do?
Give me a hint,
Tell me off,
Do what you please,
Just notice me.

It isn't me

You saw me laugh out
You saw me with them
I smile, sit back
Quietly still with such
Smile on the face.

Saw me again
This time frivolous
Out loud, careless
There’s only me in this world
I am me and the world
Doesn’t care

Who do you think you saw?
Which is real, which isn’t?

Maybe it isn’t me when I laugh
Maybe it isn’t me when I smile
Might be the mask I forced out
Might this be,
Don’t you know just who I am?

Never saw me cry
Didn’t hear me talk
If ever you did
I’m glad
It wasn’t just that I exist.

I laughed when I should’ve cried
I tried to cry but found myself laughing
Even from myself
I feel restrained

Maybe it isn’t me when I sing
Maybe it isn’t me when I listen
It might be that I didn’t care at all
This was just a play
And I’m the one pretending.

I just want to clear my head.
Don’t force yourself
Just think
Who I really am.

Untitled

The night is my friend.
The darkness shadowing every exposed emotion.
The moon is the only light
With the cool air as the warmth.
There all my thoughts astray.
Here, the freedom from life.
Here, my spirit dances.
And my mask weary from rest.

The night, my only friend
Gives the impression hat I am not alone.
Here is where, I am the only one awake.
And all of them have already gone to heir dull realities.
Here I can dance,
Laugh,
Cry.
No one will see, no one can ever see.

The night is not just a friend.
It is the only place that knows my existence.
The night that accompanies me, in every snores and sigh.
The night that don’t bid farewell.
Only a sounding twinkle.
Winking past.
Sinking through.
“Till the next sunset again.”


-February 21, ‘08

Shoes at my feet

I stood in the crowd
amid pants and dresses,
black suits,
white pants,
cocktail dresses,
evening gowns,
that scenario.

My head feels heavy
full of pins and frills
my face feels stiff
painted with a smile
graceful moves
walking serenely
up to the very tip
of my stilettos

From there
I walked
I waltzed
I carried my blistered foot
I never sat
I danced
I curtsied
fancy that, for a girl like me.

I saw something
underneath the
blanket of stars.
How I wish I could go there
How I wish I could run
How I wish I could show
the shoes at my feet.


-July 3, ‘08

Mirror in the dark

There is a storm outside
Raging and screaming
The thunder came, along
With its lightning
Shaking the walls
Of this run-down apartment

The lights went off
Swallowing the room
Into total darkness
Walking ahead, until
The light flashes
Halted into a stop
Inches from my face

Cries of pain
Accompanies the wind
The rain of tears
Came showering through
Held up the shivering hands
Touched the face
The ‘me’ I see in
That cold mirror in the dark

Before the pain
Hitting and scorching
Before it came along
With tears as its pet
Sadness wells
Inviting its self to come over

As the light disappears
On the very room I stood
The total darkness
That surrounds, till then
The lightning flashes
Stared at the figure
A reflection in the dark

Vanity projects
As I refrained to see
These drops of tears
Running down my cheek
Withdrew these shivering hands
From there, my face
The ‘me’ I had forgot
From that cold mirror in the dark

The rain stopped,
The storm left,
Taking away
The sadness and pain
Leaving with
Its thunder and light
I turned back and let go,
That cold, cold mirror from the dark

I'm Here

I remember the times
We walked by, hand in hand
Our hearts connected, bonds unbroken
Then came a cut, deeper it penetrated
Till you and I were miles apart

You tried to reach me
The instance I became blind
I did not hear, nor would I budge
In those times,
Have you cried?
Have you felt abandoned?
Why did a time like that come?
Why do you have to fall apart?

Is it too late to say I’m here?
Even if were not together anymore
Even if the night is your day
Even if you’re on the other side of the earth
Let me tell you, even if it’s too late
Let it not be too late
I’m here for you

And now, I feel so alone
I’m stressed
I’m depressed
Are you there still?
Have you forgotten about me?
I felt what you once felt
And now, you’re plagued by the same disease
I can’t help but blame for this whole mess I started.

I feel for you in times you’ve been like this
I feel it now, the pang of loneliness
The pain of depression
The wish to fall apart
Let the earth swallow us whole
Lest, let me hear,
Is it not too late to say I’m here?

Is it too late to say I’m here?
Even if were not together anymore
Even if the night is your day
Even if you’re on the other side of the earth
Let me tell you, even if it’s too late
Let it not be too late
I’m here for you

Untitled

I waited for this day
for you to be seen
I waited for the moment
your eyes met mine
As the moment reaches
the crowd blasted in
yet I see nothing more
but the face you owned.

The day went by
without one hello
night came ringing
I lay down below the open sky
watching the stars
up like little gems.
I lay upon this with you
yet you cannot feel
what my heart denies

The night ended
all was just a dream
I did not see you at all
but just the shadow
of what had masked
yourself.


-January 11, ‘08

Untitled

Wake up
It’s already morning
look at outside,
the sun is peeking
the night is diminishing
the start of the day
has already sets its mark

Wake up,
It’s getting late
half of the morning
is already gone
another half is ticking
ready to be off

Wake up,
I know you don’t want to
but now isn’t the time
to slack off
the sun is already
at the top
making the bright morn
into a hot noon

Wake up,
time’s up
I’ve been waking you for a whole day,
get some rest,
for I’ll bug you again,
the next dawn


-November 28, ‘07

Untitled

Don’t rain
It’s not just my lack of umbrella
Nor the thought of being stranded
Although it might be confused
Like merging two different worlds

My mind is clouding
I’m lacking the visibility
I’m tired with all these problems
I cope with every other day
My visions are blurred,
And little drops of water are starting to pour

Now, here I thought
While the rain is in downpour
While I’m drenched in this flood
What is it that I’m mad about?
Little unexpected problems,
Encountered almost everyday?
Or the long-term products of my thoughtless actions?


December 3, 2008

My days of the week

Monday,
I’m melancholic and sad
all I have are work, work, work
But though, I’m here
I know still, in day’s time
I’ll see you again.

Tuesday,
How I hope I could bump unto you
How I hope to catch a glimpse
of your wandering soul
but still, I know I expect much
from someone who disappears
so easily.

Wednesday,
My prayers are heeded,
I saw you once more.
Once, twice, no matter how many times.
I could just stare if not only
for my vanity and pride

Thursday,
yesterday’s happiness
seemed to overflow,
my desire is nothing more
but a speck of dust.
Though it is so,
it’s fine, I could still
offer you a smile
over hallway encounters.

Friday,
Again, it’s a day of completeness
I look at you, you look at me
then you nod and look down
down to your goal
down with your murmurs
and complicated terms.

Saturday,
I began to doubt
my own existence,
maybe I’m a ghost
maybe it wasn’t meant to be
yet maybe, you don’t
really know what I really feel

At last, it’s Sunday.
Another day, another week.
tomorrow would be another day
would you ever see me
in the light the way that I could?

-August 14, 2008

Bugs on the windshield

Damn those heavy traffics
every time the rush hour struck.
Every bus stops with people,
every train station jam packed.
I really hated those times.

Then the unfortunate thing
would be heavy rains.
rains, flooding streets and alleys
people running for shelter,
the brightly colored umbrellas
and thus the heavy traffic
begins to get worse.

Car skids leading to
unwanted accidents
pedestrians turning to morgues
everything is in perfect chaos,
horns honking, windshields flopping
and sometimes, lights like
Christmas nights.

Turned on the radio
while drowsily honking the horn,
that’s when I remembered
I haven’t turned the windshield on.

My old car, is ancient
I could readily tell
as the windshield turned on
along came, sliding by
the citizens of the underground.

You could readily tell
the car wasn’t often used
or was it that
it never really rained, till now
and one could readily assume
Why,
one could easily hate,
the rush hour traffic
and its accompanying rain.


-August 14, ‘08

Untitled

I have never felt this cold before.
Maybe it’s the wind that
accompanies it.
Maybe, its just that
The night is falling.
Or just the rain.

I walked.
With my black umbrella atop.
Shielding me from the cold drops
Sheltering me from the rain.

Yet it cannot shield
the water seeping through.
My feet were wet, and cold
Making my heart yearn,
wishing to run free
in the rain.


-23aug08

Untitled

I’ve signed up a contract
I didn’t know what it was
I thought it was something to do
And now I regret that I did.

A lawyer barged in through
took the black briefcase
and pulled out the cursed contract
which I had unconsciously signed.

I wasn’t unconscious
yet I wasn’t aware
I did signed it
Yet I didn’t know why

I felt like I was forced
I really wasn’t
I felt like I was bound
bound into chains
made by the contract.

Now, I know its content
I’ve learned by mistake
I can’t say I’m glad
I can’t even say I’m mad
I don’t know what to feel
For that stupid contract
I unwittingly signed.


-August 14, ‘08

Untitled

I wonder what it is,
when I see you…
it’s like I wanted you away
where I can stare at you
and yet eyes can’t even see
the whole of my hiding existence.

I wonder what it is,
when I never see you,
I wanted to break into
my own thoughts
and from there extract
tracing the whole of your soul…

If I could just forget
for a minute
what had occur,
would I ever wonder
what I’ve always wondered?


-September 11, 2008

Coccinea grandis

Green hearts on a tendril,
what are you trying to say,
with your shape and orientation
why can’t you be red instead.

Green hearts on a tendril,
is your edge naturally cut?
You make me think of something,
something I can’t consider nice.

It is of something not nice,
but it is not really rotten,
I can’t just account my feeling,
to what I had just experienced.

Little green stalks left without leaves
would it be heart?
Or would it be not?


-August 28, 2008

Footsteps on a seashore

You used to run
barefoot on a grassy plain.
You used to throw
off those dirty shoes.
You used to wait
with a pearly smile,
across the fences,
singing serenely,
looking like dawn.

Once or twice
you walked passed
barefooted still
bridging every stone steps
twirling at ease.
Once or twice
you nodded a hello
while balancing atop
the picket fence.

But still,
you never asked
And still,
you let me wait.
Are all those smiles
just for a distance?
Are all those nods
just for a play?

Finally, you moved
finally, you ran
across every barricade
among thorny paths
arms outstretched
flying in
on a tight embrace
but, yet,
you glided past
you embraced, yet,
with another me.

It was not me
who you saw.
It was not me
whom you know.
I know now,
you didn’t know.
I am but someone
you hardly see.
I am but a
footstep on a
sandy shore.


-July 28, 2008

Untitled

Open the door,
it’s mid-afternoon
I’ve been waiting outside
for almost an hour

Open the door
whatever you’re doing
the windows are closed
the curtain is obscured.

Open it now
I’m getting impatient
I’ll knock on the door
Once, twice, once more

I’m losing my patience
I’ll kick it open
one, two, three
just open the door!

You stupid idiot,
I’ve been angry with you
You can’t open the door
cause you’re not even there.

-August 5, ‘08

Untitled

Pagsakay niya sa sasakyan
Ako’y napalingon, napaisip
Ano itong pinagtitigan at pinagmamasdan
Waring titiga’t ni di magawang masabihan.
Ang mamang ito, na siyang paksa.
Ang mamang bulag na nakasabay sad yip.

Nagtanong siya,
At siya’y sinagot na may kasamang ngiti
Aliw na aliw sa magalang niyang pakiwari
at kahalong lungkot ang mababasa
sa kanyang maliit na mata
Sayang at di man lamang niya makita
Ang magandang ngiti ng dalagang nausisa
Sayang at sa sa pakiramdam lamang niya ito matutuklasan.

Tanging mga tunog
Na di mawari kung ano,
Ang bintana sa realidad.
At ang mga busina, pagpreno at ang hanging malamig
Ang animong musikang ipinatutugtog.

Nakahahabag isiping ganyan ang gawain sa araw-araw.
Ang maglakbay na sarado sa kulay at kagandahan ng mundo.
Isa marahil pakiwari ng nagkulang sa pandamdam,
sana sila rin ay masilayan ang lahat ng ito.


-August 5, ‘08

Payong

Lumabas ako sa silid aklatan
dala ang mga librong
naninilaw na sa kalumaan.
Bitbit ang aking bag
at isang paying na pula.

Mula sa malayo, matatanaw
ang naglalabong kapaligiran
mula rito, sa kinatatayuan
natatanaw ko ang
malakas na ulan.

Pagkalapit ko sa labasang iyon
isang malamig na ihip
ang bumati sa akin,
kulang ang sabihing ihip yaon,
nilipad ang mga pahina
ng lumang libro.

Pagkakawaksi ng mga kagamitan
agad ipinulot ang mga pahinang
animong panahon pa ng neyolitiko
nababasa at napuputikan
hanggang sa dumating ang isang ikaw.

Kapansin-pansin
ang iyong putting ngiti
nang masilaw ako sa liwanag nito,
ngunit tinitigan kong maigi,
hindi pala ngiti ang siyang nakasisilay,
kundi ang mga bakal na nakakabit ditto.

Iniabot mo ang iyong mga kamay
na siya kong tinugon ng mga napulot ko.
Ngunit palpak, mali.
Ang mga palad koa ng iyong dinampot

Hindi ko mawari
kung isa kang tanga,
hindi ko maisip
kung bakit kaya.
Nililinlang mo ako
ng iyong mga matang
animong bituin sa pagkikislap
nasusuya na ako
sa iyong pinaggagagawa.
hindi mawari kung
ano ba talaga,
maihahampas ko na ang
mga pahinang hawak ko
ng mapansing pula ang paying mo.

Dala marahil ng kabog ng dibdib
o ng malakas na pagkulog,
nilipad muli ang mga pahinang
nakalimutan pasandali,
ang mga kaawa-awang mga papel
nagluluma, putik-putik at basing-basa

pasalamat ako, nang ika’y nagising
mula sa kasiraan
nagpasya kang tumulong magpulot ng mga ito.
Anang kalimutan ang kahibangan
at gawin ang mga dapat gawin.

Ibinalik mo ako sa lilim,
gamit ang paying na pula
saka nagpaalam kasabay ng halik
saka tumalikod at nagmadali.
Ako itong walang alam sa naganap
napasigaw ng malakas.
pagharap mo’y, nasambit ko
‘Payong kong pula, ibalik mo!’


-July 30, ‘08