Backtrack: 09-Aug-10

Fuck you.

That was my opening statement.

If you guessed that i had a bad day, you'd guessed right.

half-right anyway.

one, i didn't wake up feeling bad, or grouchy, or what-not.

two, my day's proceeding greatly, thank you very much.

then came, the other half.

the other fucking half.

Thanks to basically, everything about my class tomorrow.

I'm failing, i don't need another punch in the face to figure that out.

I'm failing, i don't need to compute everything to arrive at that equation.

everything is so fucking obvious.

and the more i think of MY FRIEND,

the more insecure i get.

she's better at everything than i am.

maybe she's just more grade conscious than i am.

or maybe that's my big bruised ego talking.

Nope, it's my INSECURITIES talking.

i want to have many things.

i want to BE many things.

Heck, I WANT MANY THINGS.

That's my fucking problem.

instead of focusing my energies into IMPROVING one after the other,

i just have to aim for everthhing else, then screw them all - one after the fucking other.

So, why am writing all these?

you could probably say it's writer's block.

except that i'm not writing anything enjoyable. or sensible.

I don't find chemistry to be as appealing as poetry. or any literature.

Because, i stupidly realize that i wasn't born to be science geek.

Stupidly and blindly chasing after my father's disillusioned dream, just because of a current fad or obsession.

But what the hell, i'm already here might as well make the most out of it - WITHOUT BEING SARCASTIC

Fuck You

So here, i'm not actually done yet.

i need to get my juices running, before i can actually indulge in the actual creation of make-up lines that would surely sound realistic.

(And yet another - fuck you - you made me think of something stupid.)

The reason, i was actually BEHIND on my every schoolwork was because i chose to be.

i chose it to be left behind, left alone until there were only 5 hours before leaving for school.

Getting ready for it and sleeping already counted within that pathetically short 5 hours.

i'm busy taking those side trips, too long of a break, sleeping, imagining and writing pathetically fucking stories that, if they were to come true, signals the apocalypse.

Not kidding there.

So yeah, basically, EVERYTHING that has been happening was all because of my inability to prioritize,

my overconfidence in managing everything,

my cocky attitude that luck is on my side when in fact it's coincidence that mostly puts up with my whims.

I'm calming down.

Gotta get started on my pathetically stupid chemistry paper.