For K

Loving you is an Ethereal Bliss

                that sets the f i r e w o r k s

                                in an uncanny motion

- the dizzying lights:

                a sunburst of faded colors,

    bright as cosmic rays.

Your Love feels like a f

                                              a

                                                  L

                                                      L

     f r e e d o m       from jumping

                when you're acrophobic

   like stars,

like comets plummeting in

                speeds of light

like rains of silvers amidst

                                a dark blanket

     in haste to kiss the

                                                  ground

collapsing in an agreeing echo.

Your Love brings tears to my eyes

when I thought my soul has dried

                H U M A N I T Y

                                in me.

Your Love, the opposite of wicked -

   the selfless desire that lights candles

with a breath of   a  i  r

Your Love is no Hearts

but         flowers                 without roots

    wishes             that heeded                       nothing,

songs with no                     music

                music with no                     captions

                                captions with no                              words

Your Love is a MAGNUM OPUS -

timeless  t h e m e  that held        No Limits.

Your Love is my

                                       anchor,

                one that sets

   a thread - thin as it may - back to the

                                                                     ground

The place I was made

                                                The place where we met. //030716

Life Update: The Story in Between bouts of Something

Classes have started barely a month over and I still can't get over the fact that I've only enrolled in two courses - which is something my mom can't believe I've done but can't do anything about.
Not that I have any other options, though I've had choices. We all have choices. If there was one thing that I've learned from all the movies I've watched, all the books I've read: We always have choices. Even having no choice is choosing not to choose.

So, options. And the situation I'm wading in:
(1) I'm not working.
I wished and I'm looking but that doesn't mean that I wanted to. I kinda succumb myself to the fact that I cannot be a working student as I tend to let go of the student part. (Being an undergraduate at my age is such a nag. I can't move on until I appeased what my mother wanted for me. I can't move on until I caved to stereotypical society telling me that I had to have a degree in order to belong to the educated masses.) I spend most of my time wallowing in self-destructive thoughts whilst projecting depression to my not-so-long-distanced boyfriend. Sometimes (okay, MOST of the time) I read books.

(2) Extra-curricular activity
Did I ever mention I'm part of the school publication?
Not that it was something. SOMETHING.
I liked the challenge when I applied. I've always loved writing. In campus journalism or plain journalism - I liked voicing what I thought. Column-ing, if you may. The creative writing of a non-fictitious something called Feature Writing. Literary poetry. I hate news and current events.
I think editing counts as an expression for my love of grammar and the English vocabulary.
I've used a miniscules of my spare time contemplating quiting but not really pushing through - I might regret it. I might not. I'm just lazy. But I'm getting something out of it anyway, so I might as well stick.

(3) Diseases and "You reap what you sow"
That's probably the mantra we have at home whenever we can't EAT what we want. Specifically, my dad. Diabetes is a sucker with the whole lifestyle change and shit. When we won't follow, complications lurk.
It's a sad life when you're eating cardboard viands and saltless soggy stuff while everyone else basically eats spices and oils and lard. Stuff that you can't eat just because.
And the medicines. I held the family budget and I'm technically scraping the bottom of the barrel to meet the week's end. I can't even do Starbucks or any acquired vice based on coffee shops and wifi.


Well, that's about the flip side. My usual train of thought if I'm not thinking about poetic scraps, deadlines, or stuff.

Review on 'The Magician's Apprentice'

In the remote village of Mandryn, Tessia serves as assistant to her father, the village Healer. Her mother would rather she found a husband. But her life is about to take a very unexpected turn. When the advances of a visiting Sachakan mage get violent, Tessia unconsciously taps unknown reserves of magic to defend herself. Lord Dakon, the local magician, takes Tessia under his wing as an apprentice. The long hours of study and self-discipline also offer more opportunities than she had ever hoped for, and an exciting new world opens up to her. There are fine clothes and servants—and, to Tessia's delight—regular trips to the great city of Imardin. But along with the excitement and privilege, Tessia is about to discover that her magical gifts bring with them a great deal of responsibility. For great danger looms on the horizon for Tessia and her world.
(Summary from Goodreads)

(Photo from Goodreads)

This is what compelled me to write a review when can't normally compose myself enough to write a decent one. NOT that this review would ever be decent but I guess it'll somehow sum up the feelings invoked upon my... dealings with the book. I have few issues/observations/Comments with the entirety of the book and words could never give justice to what I felt when I finished the novel- But there you go:

First, the overall theme was fine. I loved the idea that there was that something new that took a woman to have been discovered. I was drawn by the story from reading the summary and somehow reading through the first chapter encourages me to read on. The whole medieval feels realistic based on the imagery that can be derived from it, and the magicians, and monarchy. Politics, though it wasn't a central theme, could never be divorced with hierarchies and wars could never eliminate deaths. I liked how discrimination had been exhibited with gender stereotypes. It certainly empowered women with highlighting the achievements lead by women behind or in the frontlines. Then there was Romance. I had to admit - this was the one thing that kept me from ditching the book entirely.

Second, the characters were consistent enough. At least if I didn't consider their inner thoughts - which had been all over the place and somehow misplaced. The inner thoughts could have been okay if it were told in a one-person point of view - not the shifting perspective that kind of left out the use of imagination and inference with reading. Instead of liking at least one character - I ended up hating them. It was like I got a full view of the personalities and that somehow made them all too similar. I couldn't take sides in the story because I understood their predicaments which overly impacted how I felt in reading the book. Because it somehow made things too calculative, in my perspective, I somehow got lost with using the magic in reading novels - the whole escapism point gone with too much explanation. THIS had been the major turn-off factor for me.

Lastly, the entire plot had been too long drawn to the point where I almost skimmed through the pages. I hated the whole Hanara perspective for some reason. Stara's perspective which didn't really clarified her role in the entire story until the ending when war was breaking. The story itself had some hasty conclusions which could probably be accounted for it being a prequel into a series - BUT that in itself should be able to stand alone or at least INVITE to read further on.

The entire experience somehow felt traumatic that I was unsure whether to read any other works of Trudi Canavan in the future.

His Perpetual Love Story

Her difference stands out

Black hair. Short in stature.
Face painted in pallid shade.
Blank mask, faded impressions.

The way her shoulders hunch to hide
The way her hair falls to obscure her face
The way her hands tucked to turn invisible
The way she could lose in the sea of people
Milling in, coming out, destroying her.

It takes guts to seduce the food for the gods.

Hers is a book I couldn't wait to read
Hers is a song I wouldn't tire in hearing
Her voice is a spell, her voice is a charm
Hers is a void, I wouldn't mind losing into

She laughs like a hundred chimes in the wind
Happiness that spreads like disease
She smiles like a thousand lights
Colors that burst like the sun
She sees through the broken glass
She held the life of me at the palm of her hands

She became the light of my darkest way
She is the love of my life.

She is my love.
She is my life.

She never left.
I disappeared.

She is always there.
Until.

She was. //012215

Preemption

I graduated with honors

Excited with the second phase

I was 12.

I became vain.

My body is sacred. I am beautiful.

Men adored me.

I was 14.

I never knew love

Like I knew how his words

Swept me off my feet.

I was 15.

It was pleasure. This was pleasure.

It wasn't just a child play.

I'm grown up.

I was 16.

That was a mistake.

My future halts,

A child on its way. //

Homeless

Son, I left food in the microwave.

Your dad is on another business trip.

Don’t wait up, I’ll be home late.

Madilim nanaman ang paligid

Ang katahimikang babasag sa kabingihan

Subukan ko kayang umupo sa tabi

- panghawi lang sa nahahapong damdamin.

Really now, I don’t have the time

I have to work to feed us, you know?

Besides, I never raised you just to be second best!

Para saan pa at kumuha ng patimpalak

Kung sila man ay hindi makaalala

Marahil sapat na ang nagaalab na pagnanasa

- walang mararating ang karangalang hayok sa paapuri.

You probably got it from dallying too much

You should start acting like a grown up.

I never raised a son who misbehaved.

Alin ang tama sa maling lipunan,

Alin ang mali sa bulag na palakad,

Kung ang tahanang kinalakhan ay tumuro sa iba?

Sino pa ang gagabay sa batang ligaw?

Son, it’s because I love you that I have to leave

This is all for your future’s sake.

That someday, we’ll live in a pool of gold, never worrying.

Ina, binansagang ilaw ngunit pundi

Ama, haliging sa ibang bahay bumabakod

Ba’t hindi niyo balikan ang bukang-liwayway

Gusto ko mang umuwi,

Pero saan ako lulugar?// 100515

.. rejected piece...

Review on movie: Age of Adeline

Photo from: www.imdb.com

I'm trying on a new approach with writing - with all the things I've been going through right now. Nothing major. Here's the mother tongue version:

Ang pelikula ay hango sa buhay ng babaeng may kakaibang disposisyon sa buhay nagngangalang Adeline Bowman. Si Adeline ay ipinanganak na normal ngunit dahil sa isang aksidente kung saan siya ay tinamaan ng kidlat – tumigil ang kanyang pagtanda.

Noong una, nakakaengganyo at kapanapanabik siguro magkaroon ng ganoong klaseng kakayahan – ang mabuhay sa araw-araw na hindi mo aalalahanin ang pagtanda, ang ilang komplikasyon kasama nito. Hindi mo aalalahanin ang nangngungulubot na mukha, lumalabong paningin, at mga sumasakit na kasu-kasuhan Mahaba ang oras na maaring igugol sa mga bagay na gustong gawin na hindi kailangang intindihin kung sasapat pa ba ng oras.

Ngunit habang umuusad ang panahon para kay Adeline, umusbong ang ilang suliranin sa kanyang kondisyon. Isa na dito ang maaring maging kinabukasan ni Adeline sa kamay ng mga tao. Naipakita sa pelikula ang katotohanan sa paguugali ng mga tao: kung ano ang hindi maipaliwanag ay kailangang pag-aralan. At sa pagaaral na ito – tinitingnan kung maari ba itong maiduplicate o makamit. Dito namulaklak ang takot ni Adeline. Sino nga naman ang gugustuhing makulong upang pagaralan ng mga siyentipiko.

Takot ang bumuhay sa namamatay na pamumuhay ni Adeline.

Namamatay siya sa aspetong, kinailangan niyang mabuhay magisa dahilan sa kanyang kakaibang kondisyon. Nakakalungkot ang kaalamang iiwanan ka din ng mga mahal mo sa buhay dahil sadyang maikli ang natural na buhay ng tao. Kinailangang iwan ni Adeline ang kanyang anak dala ng takot sa kapwa tao, sa takot na mapageksperimentuhan. Sa ilang eksenang naipakita ang anak niya – na siya naming matanda na at naninirahan na lamang sa isang retirement facility – nakakalungkot ang implikasyon na sa sandaling panahon pa ay maari na siyang mamatay. Kung ano mang maiiwan sa buhay ni Adeline ay pawang mga alaala na lamang.

Black and White kung tutuusin ang buhay ni Adeline. Nawala na ang kulay na nagpapasigla dito. Marahil dala ito ng kaalamang mahaba pa ang lalakbayin niya. Madali para sa atin ang isawalang bahala ang halaga ng mga bagay pag alam nating hindi ito aalis o hindi ito mawawala ng basta-basta. Ang buhay ni Adeline ay nagmistulang isang obligasyon na kailangan pag-daanan at ang kalunos-lunos na kalagayan ay isang biyayang nagmimistulang isang sumpa. Ngunit sadyang mapaglaro ang tadhana – dumating sa buhay ni Adeline si Elis na siyang naging daan upang maibalik ang sigla sa buhay ni Adeline. Sa isang di inaasahang pagkakataon, nang nagdesisyong tumigil sa pagtakbo sa Adeline sa kanyang problema – naibalik siya ni Elis sa natural na daan ng buhay. Nawala ang sumpa ni Adeline at nagsimula siyang tumanda muli.

Nakakaantig ng damdamin ang pelikula – napagtagumpayan ng produksyon ang pagpapatunay sa kasabihang “Love Conquers all” kung saan nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob si Adeline na harapin ang kanyang takot na hayaan ang sariling umibig muli. Maganda din naman ang kinalabasan ng katapusan ng pelikula at ang nakakatuwang paghahambing kay Adeline sa isang kometa – hindi man ito dumating sa panahong inaasahan, ay dumating ito kagaya ng prediksyon sa pelikula.