but knowing the fact that I failed 2 long exams out of three
kind of gave me the notion that I'll fail it anyhow.
Isn't it just like a coward? Giving up when the war hasn't even started.
But Honestly...
I don't fucking care.
That's right, I wrote that right. DAMN RIGHT, I might add.
It's not that I don't care about my studies,
or the money my parents are pooling just so I could, I don't know, STUDY, perhaps.
I care about that, A LOT.
Specially that money part. I don't personally enjoy being a burden.
Or being totally dependent on other people.
Because people who are TOO dependent are the ones who get hurt ALL the TIME they get rejected.
The thing about failing this class, gives a better opportunity on improving my grade.
I don't want to be that loser who got a grade of 3 for all her math class.
Heck, I don't even want to see a grade of 3 in my transcript.
The more I see them the more I regret my decision which I was ever so denying that I'm all over it.
I AM SO NOT!
So right,
I also thought about the reason for that matter - like, failing this class.
Since I was kid, I was so IN LOVE with math, that is, until I got introduced to Calculus.
I first failed already it some while back, because I didn't really understood it.
And so, I moved on from my first scratch on the knee - my first 5 in my whole college life.
Me, who never get a grade lower than 2.75 got a grade of 5.
(after that, a series of 3 follows - my life suck)
Right now, it's the third and final math that I had to take and suddenly I had to go and FAIL it.
Maybe math wouldn't let me leave.
I sure could blame it on Chemistry, which chooses the same date to have an exam with my math class.
Which I had to prioritize.
My desire to leave Chemistry was greater than my desire to leave math.
But I still despise math more, that's weird I know...
Maybe I'm actually a masochist!
Maybe it's true then: "THE MORE YOU HATE, THE MORE YOU LOVE.
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