Deep emotions

So the title often tells it all.

I'm lying on my stomach, typing on the freaking laptop, paranoid about the slightest sound on my parent's bedroom, listening to classical music - stuff I usually do when it's almost 3am in the morning.

I'm a bit insomniac as you could probably tell.

Maybe because I think too much.

Reasons?

(1) I'm a goner.

I have at least 16 units load in college, yet I'm actually on the verge of failing my 12 units of it.

I should have taken only what I can chew.

The scary thing about it, was that I couldn't really care less.

I can't study for that one chance I have in order to pass that subject.

Just so you know, I HATE final exams.

It's pretty stupid to study all the things you learned just so you could pass.

I don't even think I need those information, WHY can't I remember it then?

I know I'm being selfish, but that's just what this world is about right?

We were born to die, that very fact makes me want to puke.

Because we were so not born so that we could die someday,

I believe that we were born to prove the stupid assholes who thought about that 'being born is all about dying crap' wrong.

So there, my point being - why do all these things just so one could graduate, do a decent job, then just die on it.

I don't really get society.

(2) My ever so untitled emotion.

Just as some untitled works I did, I did just for the heck of escaping the stupid reality we humans were unfortunate enough to actually live in.

Everytime, I always wish for something to ACTUALLY happen.

I hate it when I realize that half my life's probably gone and here I was sitting in a dimly lit classroom endowed with the aura of suicide while having nosebleeds on a math exam mathematician freaks probably made up to impress/intimidate stupid people - that's just how sick this world is, and that's just how I came to hate math.

My world came crashing when I failed it, when I was madly in-love with it for sometime.

Yeah, so the emotion here has something to do with boredom with life.

(3) My infatuation for someone.

I ALWAYS get infatuated - something which was probably from a frustration.

For one, I'm nearing the end of my teen years. Shoot me now.

For another, I never had any romantic experiences.

Well, no I lied, I almost had one anyway, but things never worked out. I moved on before anything can actually happen.

Enough said.

(4) My hidden angst to my most important people.

Here's what I wanted to scream at their face:

"I don't want to get into your fucking problems, hell, I don't EVEN want to know about it. So don't go threatening me that I won't be able to go to school and then expect me to understand. I do, it's just that I don't want to acknowledge it. Would I actually listen to you? I always do, you just never notice. Oh yeah, you were too BUSY finding funds for OUR expenses. I love you, but I can't stand how you treat me - you just NEVER LISTEN do you?"

(5) Friends.

Why do they make me feel like I'm stupid? Oh yeah, probably because ALL of them are so freaking smart. Suddenly, I couldn't care less if I'm socially deprived. What the Hell, I can't even tell them problems because it makes me sound stupid whining about how depressing life seems to be at home.

Well, that's mostly what I've been feeling for the past

I don't want to talk about it, just READ.

Then, don't go quoting me on this one.