The Fear.

I have a fear of heights.

Maybe my fear wasn't THAT intense, it's all in the mind and I'm WAY too much minding it.

Maybe I just wanted to have something to fear about when people ask me about my fears.

I mean, I could still bear with it whenever I stand beside the railings of a fourth floor building or near an edge of somewhere very high up ground.

Although, yeah, I'll admit, my legs feel tingly and sometimes I feel like I'll throw up, but the fear is somewhat irrational.

I could probably get it over with after many attempts to pursue the top of Mt. Everest.

In my dreams maybe, but that's not the point.

The point is, THAT fear is something that one could be easily outgrow or overcome.

(The thing that I'm actually driving at here, at this point, are my fears. If it wasn't so obvious.)

I fear memory loss.

Like, I'll wake up one morning with no memory at all.

Or that I'l wake up and everybody I knew forgot about me.

Not that I knew THAT many of a people. I'm what people know as an "introvert",

Okay, sometimes a dork, a nerd, a social recluse, nutcase, in other words - I'm trying my best to become invisible at the same time wanting to fit-in in the popular crowd.

I hate the attention (it's a lie, I'm sorry I can't admit that OUT LOUD), I just wanted to have whatever I say to matter. Like, to be not treated as a joke. Because all my life has been nothing but a joke. It's dull, it's not exciting, it's BORING and I'm really bored living in it. But that's just another story. so whatever.

Crazy people scares the hell out of me.

I remember one time,

I was riding on a jeepney on my way home to my uncle's house.

At that time, I was living on my uncle's house because the university that I'm attending to is in the province - WAY too far away from home in the city.

So anyway, it was late. And very dark (So unlike living in the city, where THAT time would've been BRIGHTER and more PEOPLE).

In that particular vehicle were a handful of passengers.

Me, some others and this one guy who was muttering to himself. Darkly. Somewhat evil things sputtering out of his mouth. Scary things.

And it didn't help that he had shaven hair which kinda makes him look like a serious mental case.

That was when I realized this fear.

I wasn't like any other girls who gets disgusted with flying insects or writhing worms.

Although, maggots in general, utterly disgusts me and I wouldn't mind if they go endangered, or extinct. (But that would make corpses/carcasses, like, decomposition would probably take a SERIOUSLY long time to be complete. Heck, it'll be like, they'll decompose as long as how long they have lived. Ew.)

Anyway, I don't mind flying roaches (just as long as they don't linger in my skin THAT much), I could touch/hold earthworms in my palm, rats disgust me but I don't go screaming about it like THOSE girls.

I feel that I'm much more reserved (kidding aside), or at least, I'm still having difficulties expressing myself.

Like hell, I'm straying too far from my point.

Fuck.

It's not that I ran out of words to say.

Laziness gets into me, once in a while.

(Lily Allen actually has a song of the same title. But this ones a BLOG POST, get it?)