Preemption

I graduated with honors

Excited with the second phase

I was 12.

I became vain.

My body is sacred. I am beautiful.

Men adored me.

I was 14.

I never knew love

Like I knew how his words

Swept me off my feet.

I was 15.

It was pleasure. This was pleasure.

It wasn't just a child play.

I'm grown up.

I was 16.

That was a mistake.

My future halts,

A child on its way. //

Homeless

Son, I left food in the microwave.

Your dad is on another business trip.

Don’t wait up, I’ll be home late.

Madilim nanaman ang paligid

Ang katahimikang babasag sa kabingihan

Subukan ko kayang umupo sa tabi

- panghawi lang sa nahahapong damdamin.

Really now, I don’t have the time

I have to work to feed us, you know?

Besides, I never raised you just to be second best!

Para saan pa at kumuha ng patimpalak

Kung sila man ay hindi makaalala

Marahil sapat na ang nagaalab na pagnanasa

- walang mararating ang karangalang hayok sa paapuri.

You probably got it from dallying too much

You should start acting like a grown up.

I never raised a son who misbehaved.

Alin ang tama sa maling lipunan,

Alin ang mali sa bulag na palakad,

Kung ang tahanang kinalakhan ay tumuro sa iba?

Sino pa ang gagabay sa batang ligaw?

Son, it’s because I love you that I have to leave

This is all for your future’s sake.

That someday, we’ll live in a pool of gold, never worrying.

Ina, binansagang ilaw ngunit pundi

Ama, haliging sa ibang bahay bumabakod

Ba’t hindi niyo balikan ang bukang-liwayway

Gusto ko mang umuwi,

Pero saan ako lulugar?// 100515

.. rejected piece...

Review on movie: Age of Adeline

Photo from: www.imdb.com

I'm trying on a new approach with writing - with all the things I've been going through right now. Nothing major. Here's the mother tongue version:

Ang pelikula ay hango sa buhay ng babaeng may kakaibang disposisyon sa buhay nagngangalang Adeline Bowman. Si Adeline ay ipinanganak na normal ngunit dahil sa isang aksidente kung saan siya ay tinamaan ng kidlat – tumigil ang kanyang pagtanda.

Noong una, nakakaengganyo at kapanapanabik siguro magkaroon ng ganoong klaseng kakayahan – ang mabuhay sa araw-araw na hindi mo aalalahanin ang pagtanda, ang ilang komplikasyon kasama nito. Hindi mo aalalahanin ang nangngungulubot na mukha, lumalabong paningin, at mga sumasakit na kasu-kasuhan Mahaba ang oras na maaring igugol sa mga bagay na gustong gawin na hindi kailangang intindihin kung sasapat pa ba ng oras.

Ngunit habang umuusad ang panahon para kay Adeline, umusbong ang ilang suliranin sa kanyang kondisyon. Isa na dito ang maaring maging kinabukasan ni Adeline sa kamay ng mga tao. Naipakita sa pelikula ang katotohanan sa paguugali ng mga tao: kung ano ang hindi maipaliwanag ay kailangang pag-aralan. At sa pagaaral na ito – tinitingnan kung maari ba itong maiduplicate o makamit. Dito namulaklak ang takot ni Adeline. Sino nga naman ang gugustuhing makulong upang pagaralan ng mga siyentipiko.

Takot ang bumuhay sa namamatay na pamumuhay ni Adeline.

Namamatay siya sa aspetong, kinailangan niyang mabuhay magisa dahilan sa kanyang kakaibang kondisyon. Nakakalungkot ang kaalamang iiwanan ka din ng mga mahal mo sa buhay dahil sadyang maikli ang natural na buhay ng tao. Kinailangang iwan ni Adeline ang kanyang anak dala ng takot sa kapwa tao, sa takot na mapageksperimentuhan. Sa ilang eksenang naipakita ang anak niya – na siya naming matanda na at naninirahan na lamang sa isang retirement facility – nakakalungkot ang implikasyon na sa sandaling panahon pa ay maari na siyang mamatay. Kung ano mang maiiwan sa buhay ni Adeline ay pawang mga alaala na lamang.

Black and White kung tutuusin ang buhay ni Adeline. Nawala na ang kulay na nagpapasigla dito. Marahil dala ito ng kaalamang mahaba pa ang lalakbayin niya. Madali para sa atin ang isawalang bahala ang halaga ng mga bagay pag alam nating hindi ito aalis o hindi ito mawawala ng basta-basta. Ang buhay ni Adeline ay nagmistulang isang obligasyon na kailangan pag-daanan at ang kalunos-lunos na kalagayan ay isang biyayang nagmimistulang isang sumpa. Ngunit sadyang mapaglaro ang tadhana – dumating sa buhay ni Adeline si Elis na siyang naging daan upang maibalik ang sigla sa buhay ni Adeline. Sa isang di inaasahang pagkakataon, nang nagdesisyong tumigil sa pagtakbo sa Adeline sa kanyang problema – naibalik siya ni Elis sa natural na daan ng buhay. Nawala ang sumpa ni Adeline at nagsimula siyang tumanda muli.

Nakakaantig ng damdamin ang pelikula – napagtagumpayan ng produksyon ang pagpapatunay sa kasabihang “Love Conquers all” kung saan nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob si Adeline na harapin ang kanyang takot na hayaan ang sariling umibig muli. Maganda din naman ang kinalabasan ng katapusan ng pelikula at ang nakakatuwang paghahambing kay Adeline sa isang kometa – hindi man ito dumating sa panahong inaasahan, ay dumating ito kagaya ng prediksyon sa pelikula.

A Eulogy for my Most Beloved

People would not always recall

the evils of the heart

as what you've believed

your philosophy, the mantra of your soul.

Odes that would sing

a millennium of regret

- the end does not cover

how you've fulfilled your vows.

People would then recall

the kindness of your heart

what you've believed

your humble thoughts.

Sonnets does nothing more

than to restrict your bounds

- our end would always cover

how kindness does not mean Truths.

Your lies are my truth

and your lies spoke true

That I would cry rivers

should you jump to the other side.

I would cry when you depart

grieve when you're still here

for your love is not for me

but for when you turned free.

This words are not for you

when you flee with your own accord

This words does not speak

for the life, or death, of you.

This song is made for you

though not for your self.

My love from this words

came from the fact of inflicted pain.

I should have wrote

with soul when it was still mine

I should have wrote

when I was still filled with that flickering flame.

It'll never be too late

to write you a letter

but it was too late

to leave without pain.// 012115

Thoughts 071315

It’s been a while -

I’ve been sort of out of touch since a LOT of things had been going on, but mostly it’s the lack of bandwidth signals and hardware issues that stopped me. I never realized the importance of your own personal space (and gadget) until I’m craving for it.

Here’s to my virtual space staring into nothingness as virtual dust accumulates with my molding ideas.

Nothing’s fairly new, aside from moving across the country, resetting school, and throwing opportunities within a blink of an eye that people’s probably cursing at those wasted privileges - come on, I don’t even care about those, it never made me happy. People never really get what I am thinking, why I was thinking that way, or why I even do things. They think they do. I’m quite sure they don’t. Because I don’t even understand myself. All I ever know is this:

Happiness is a pursuit. A never ending race.

Among the indecisive means I’ve considered and taken, this is a race that I was mandated to participate. A race I can’t win until I expire, can’t quit unless I die.

What’s my point in all these?

linking: https://withoutashoe.tumblr.com

Sonnet: Love-maker's Candles

Candles flickering by the moons

caressing skins, soft like meadows

scented smoke and woods and rivers

painted a picture of vast lands.

The glory that could claim what the gods

would blame, humanity's doings.

Nothing would ever compare these

from ancient ruins. Not even then

the truth from illusions, nor the

light of allusions. Streams of moon-

lit infatuations, that bright

blight of fiery passion throes and throngs.

My love of you is a candle

spread eagle across the landscape.// 012115

Stargazer

I wished to lie

stark naked to the cold

December air

sending chills to the bone.

I’d like a blanket

of stars

and glitters

where my constellation

of thoughts

form no path.

You are not

there when I needed you.

Stargazer,

the hermit I seek

count not the dots

amidst millions.

Trace not the path

- my thoughts, my fears

I do not dare believe

prophesies of

destinies and fate.

You became that dream

                I created out of need.

Daydream,

is what I do.

With the light of day

and twilight as its trail.

I bring forth

the imaginarium of thoughts.

Encased

in a fish bowl

underneath the blanket of moon.// 010315

That Perfect Fit of a Heartbreak

You just stopped being there

for all of the best, the worst of all times

where you ignored most of my plea

hands held up like surrender spree

You just stopped coming back

when I never threw you out

You just stopped walking by

when I thought we’re side by side

I reached for a hand,

I reached thin air in space.

Where were you when I looked back?

That empty spot at the corner of a couch

Where had your essence gone?

When I sensed the warm disappear

You just stood up, turned away

                without a  second glance.

My heart skipped a beat as I heard a siren sing

red flashing lights, a warning death is near

I lingered with disbelief, scared of a sacred need

until I saw your back, living like nothing’s amiss.

I reached for your hand,

I reached your cold empty space.

Where were you when I looked back?

Your shadow that used to fallback behind.

Where had your essence gone?

When all I could see are disappearing acts.

You just stopped, stared to forget

                in a heartbeat, without a glance.

Where were your little words?

Ones you’ll whisper in my ears.

Where had your sonnets rhyme?

My words halted in mid-second stride

You are my perfect fit, now ending in a broken thread

                my heart abrupt in break.// 010515