Things I Once Did

One thing I never told anybody was once when I was little, I've let the spirit of death house at the cavern of my thoughts
Fantasies that includes solitude, sudden drone of sadness, and the mesmerizing tome of a monotone devoid of personal thoughts
Death is a shadow lingering through my indecisions and doubts

Once, I carried confidence like a hidden jewel only to be shown when no one's around
The childlike curiosity that questions without further ado

Once, in my mind's eye I had superpowers
Superabilities hidden from the naked eye
I am invincible, my name a whisper - the brunt of my identity perceived by the masses

Once, I've trusted fools who'd always remember me solely for times of need
I'd give more than I ever received
Pieces of my soul, shattered and scattered
Parts of me losing touch from being away for too long

Once, I felt I should give
Only to take none but lies to my face
The blatant truth, universally acknowledge -- money rules the minds of people, of worlds

Once, I gave my heart for the first time
first times could never happen again

Once, I've loved a man who can never love me back
He broke my heart not knowing my name or how I feel

Once, I've loved a man whose heart is always empty
We've meet an hour or two over bottles of beer, consolation for the dried, the old, and the flame that could never be lit

Once I lost a man who'll never be back
Where he stood was a mirage of who he used to be

Once, I've taken enough darkness to self-destruct

Once, I've lived without light until I could see past the broken lamp
My senses never dulled at the height of certain delusions
I've seen scents clearly at every time the moon rises

Once, I've tried to forget the pain
I feel the tiny thousand needles that could've pierced the soft swell of flesh protruding out of this excuse of a frail body

Once, I've cried until my eyes dried of tears
My chest could almost burst at the unimagined grief

Once, I immersed in the pool of denial

Once, I have fantasies of reality turning into dreams

Once, I wished life is just a nightmare

Once, I wished the future is a hoax
Time is a paradox,
Time is a parallel verse
The world is one, but many. Many but one.

Once, I was a bit smart
Once, I know things

Once, I am. I was
But my mind can only think --
I was naive, little person whose senses drown every time the door locks.

Once, I've killed myself
In my mind, over and over and over, an endless loop
I've hated myself too much to pick a knife and gut my flesh, just leave and never look back

Once, I was alone
Left to be fed
Almost dead

Once, I've lived another life
Once more, I'd stand tall
Rising back from the fall
Like phoenix, birthing from embers

Once, I'll walk this journey once, more.