Paper cut roses

Paper cut roses
scented with perfume.
Does not need sun for nurture.
Does not need air in continuum.
Propped in a vase in its solitude
It would not wither nor perish.
It would stand still and sway,
the wind in constant visitance.

Paper cut roses
attached through a wire.,
an admirable decoration
crafted with ingenuity
it could just stand still
no attention required
preserved through time.
Still, with solitude
even so, for a hundred years

Us. You and Me.
Represents that sole single rose.
Paper cut,
scented with cheap perfume.





26-11-2013

Vague ideas and realizations - escapism at its peak

Three days, two nights.
Backpacks and pocket money - fresh out of a hefty payday.
That spur of the moment decision to indulge in escapade,
in attempts to chill and relax,
forget and just breathe out of life and reality.
It worked,
like magic and that manic gleam.
Ice cream and that wishful thinking
- hope it wouldn't end.
We spent days
thinking how to spend the day,
where to go,
where to eat,
and how should we spread our wings
fly with our delusions
and throw away the utter sense
that we had some place to go back to.


We've had to talk of course.
Portion and snippets before we retire.
Life,
Love,
Dreams,
and that funny moment
when we've cried because of the past.
We've had realizations.
I've had a glimpse of somebody's...
I couldn't stop thinking about...
All the while,
I kept myself busy.
This is it,
the mother of my controversies.
Fantasies which wouldn't come true.
And the hobby that died
along with heartfelt innocent feelings.
I  knew,
once I come back,
things would never be the same again.


My mind kept dwelling
to scenes and flashbacks.
The night before,
the nights before,
days of caffeinated drinks.
Soft whispers and little talks.
What I've held,
what I've given up,
what I've opened up.
Things to do,
things that could've been.
A lot of lies,
cover ups and a whole bunch of tears.
Memories that carve itself
through the concrete walls of my soul.
I started to think,
I've been dwelling on,
staring at the mess
- personification of my views,
whereas I could've focused more.
Open the windows,
let the dust fly free
and pick up the broken pieces one at  time.
I started to face
the reality that I was scared.
The things that happened
were the changes I could not accept.
I couldn't digest.
And the problem that
I never bothered to stare at the face.
I realized,
I couldn't move on
if I don't bump my head
in that wall of inhibition.


We've travelled far,
my journey to a soul search
never really started.
Until,
it was ending.
It dawned on me.
When things began to come
out of my hand.
When the things that I've planned,
schemed even,
didn't go smoothly.
Stop.
It's ending.
It ended.
And I woke,
arriving exactly to the scene
I escaped from
- time stood still
awaiting my return.





Excerpt:  https://www.facebook.com/notes/joan-martinez/vague-ideas-and-realizations-escapism-at-its-peak/464928663548682
Dated 09-December-2012

FOR ROBIN.... by Karen

I  won’t forget how expert you can complicate things

And words which you are spouting never stop

I knew your mind and train of ideas don’t drop

Just want to tell you that this is why I adore yer uniqueness

And the thrill and joy it brings

Your laugh sometimes irritates my ears

I wonder how you can do that

When you always cry for something I also don’t comprehend

Until you let yourself indulged

With the magic of getting something from nothing

That it’s just the heart which can ever see

I had fun travelling with you

Thanks for showing me these other worlds I never knew exist

To these people I never knew can be that cool

Sad I can only find them inside your laptop

Crazy thou but feels like they are all true

Hold yer head up high

And sometimes soak with the power of sorrow

We both knew that’s when we become more human

I will long for late hours shits

And tell me when you find someone who will die for yer smile

https://www.facebook.com/notes/karen-espiritu-dela-cruz/for-robin/667928503231160

Observations on a confused soul.

I call you an angel
dropped within a mirage
blunt knives
coated in bread and honey
You are light
sunshine on desserts
and a flower easily picked.

In the inter-looping times
in intermittent instances
You proved me wrong
when I thought
You are a warrior
winning on a battle
without any suit.

You are a closed door
who fights without a brawl
creeping needles
instead of swords
You rush without an armor
expert at the magic of deceit.
i'd call you a succubus
with a torn heart,
wishing for the world
to see you as a sun.




17-10-2013

For Karen

You claimed not to succumb
on trials that life brings
I am at awe at your belief
tarnished with experience
and the ideals that exist
were coated with rust.
You lived by the time
moving forward without
no second glance
taking trials as challenges
a wall enough to be conquered.

You cry at the simple things
I love you when you ride
the tides of my sorrow
not understanding
the depths of the emotion
yet yearning for a smile
which the contrary
often corrodes with torture
at its peak.

I wish you the fairy tales
that we used to shed
senseless tears
I wish you the world
who condemned our ways
May it be proven wrong
and our beliefs were
actually true.




17-10-2013

For the noodle (dated 26-10)

And these were the things I wanted to partake.

With words I knew would lay forgotten

If I'd see your smiling face:

Thank you for another life

You've been my salvation

to when I've sunked so low,

lost and out of touch

I've been a fickle-minded fool

who'd sink deep into the bitter abyss.

Thank you for the sweet words

You've made me feel

that I am beautiful as I am

though how others say

Your words corroded with lies

nor my own doubts that they are true

Your words are what I would hold

I would take heed, take heart

And pretend that it wasn't you

the one who constantly bring doubts in my heart.

Thank you for my whims

my often selfish acts

Your kind heart, cheating heart.

Thank you for the spur of the moment

Your melting gaze,

snippets of a kiss,

glimpses with your life.

Thank you for letting me stay

Thank you for staying

For small  words with big meanings

and the opportunity to think far and beyond.

I thank you for the tolerance,

for my unexpected madness, insanity acts

Thank you for the "I Love you", "I miss you,"

And "I'll always be here,"

I've felt it. Deep. In my heart.

I would treasure you.

I would treasure these moments

Your memories, Your love

with deep regret

of my unstable mind, tainted love

of my selfish desires.

I would hold on to what you've promised

I'd hold back from straying to you

I  would keep waiting

until Time sets me free

Because once I say goodbye

I'll say goodbye until you come by again.

I'm sorry for these passing days

for being your damsel in disgrace

I've always been in disgrace

confused with my head in the clouds

I'm still that fickle-minded fool

Who'd never think before she acts.

I'm sorry for the doubt

Your sweet words bring comfort

and threefold of insecurities

No matter what I say,

you were judged on what you are.

I'm sorry for the lies

I've hidden you within my own world

looking back into sweet remembrance

I think of you with such false hopes

Fooling myself, fooling others

I'm sorry - because I knew you'd let me be

with the people who'd became

the closest thing I've ever had.

I'm sorry for the times

I've never thought of what you want

You are a kind-hearted soul with a broken heart

And though I see it, I did not mind

I'm sorry for the selfishness

of fearing the loss, of losing you.

I'd admit that I am weak,

I'd admit to my loneliness

I'd admit to my pride - of being proven wrong

despite the facts laid down on me.

I'm sorry for the sadness

I'm sorry for being  weak,

my expectations, and my assumptions.

I assumed that you are true

Even if I'd discover the contrary.

I'd seen you smile,

I was hoping it was not a lie.

You lie for other's sake

you do things not because you willed

You are a living contradiction

You are a child with a straight face

I love you

And I don't want to respond

when you vocalize your affections

I love you

I don't  need to respond

when you say you love me

I love you

When I hear you say the words

I long to kiss you

I love you

And I would always yearn to see you.

I love you

Your kindness is killing me.

Show me how you don't care

Show me a man, not a child

Show me your life with no deep regret

Because I can never show

that I could care more than this

I love you

But I want to stand by

independent by your embrace

I don't want to benefit more

I don't want to be cared when you can't

I love you

And I don't want to be loved by your kindness.

Nor your ideals, your charity.

I am who I am.

I don't want the 'help' that comes with a mirror.

I love you so much.

That I want to be your special place.