Ther's
been a lot of ideas in my mind lately.
I'll
start by enumerating and defining.
(1)
Spur of the moment.
Been
at MOA just for the heck of it.
I've
asked permission to go on half-day because I decided to be responsible in terms
of being my mother's daughter. Because constraints and ill-preparedness, I took
the whole day off instead. I was really feeling guilty with the way things are
going. I was ever so fucked up with everything else that I decided, out of a
spur of the moment, to go to a nearby sea.
The
sound of city pollution within the reach of my ears but the smell of ocean
calms my soul. It clears my mind even for a bit.
Then
I realized that most life changing decisions came from moments like these.
Whether it be from impulse and reckless acts, in the long run everything that I
had been doing would give impact to things that I would have never thought I
would be doing. I began to think about my life as a cart waiting for destiny to
move. The reason why, my 21 years in existence had been unmoving. My slow paced
life was starting to pick up speed, development was arising in terms of people
moving me to work, motivations, and still, the lingering feeling that says
"I don't care about the world"
When
I say I was easily moved by things and people wanting me to do several things,
I am a fake. I can say no to things I don't want to do. I can say "I don't
care" with some things that I may seem to care about. It's a lie when I
say that my conscience is nagging me. I would think about it, dwell upon it,
then after a few moments - forget about it.
The
point being, before words drown what I'm trying to drive at, is that these
moments mold who I am. It defines my aspect of living. It defines my
personality. I am not driven by impulse, I think about the consequences long
before it happens. It's just that I trust myself too much that I didn't think
that my convictions would stray. In a sense, keeping this type of sense is
partly a danger to my responsibility. I tend to shrug it off thinking that I
could always pull it off and when the pinch came, I can't blame myself and I
just sit down and cry.
(2)
Attitudes.
When
I opened up a topic to my friend, he shared an experience which I thought had
actually made sense and in a way made me realize that my self centeredness was
the cause of it. He told me about Anna's story. I didn't knew if the story had
any factual basis nor was Anna her real name, but the thing that I understood
was this: A person could change with the degree of respect you show to that
person. Anna was a girl of the slum. Tomboyish attitude, nothing lady like and
she was treated like equals among men. Two men, decided to conduct a project on
her, their aim was to transform her into someone who would held men in captive
with such grace and pride, as a lady. An easy thing to do? Sure, you could
dress up a monkey, make it look human. But knowing that it was a monkey in a
dress would not change that fact, unless you forgot that it was a monkey and
treat it human. That was what happened to Anna. With the way that she was
treated, she never changed. When the men treated her as a lady, in an instance,
she became one.
That
was what he advised me to do, a month ago from now. It made me think about the
things that I had been doing. It made me realize that I was the one who made
the people around me act that way. In a way, it was a revelation on how an
insignificant person like me could affect how people think. It was conceited in
a way but if you don't think that you are important, you'll be swallowed with
the aura that radiates from other people. I realized that you have to be firm
with who you are as to not lose your identity. If you would think about it, it
might have been the reason why some people changed with the company of vices
and grow fangs, bark at their heritage and turn back to who they were.
(3)
People and relationships.
In
one instance that you would see a connection between people who don't know each
other, you'd realize that we were tangled on a spider's web. There were
millions of people, thousand interactions with each day. You might meet your
destiny while crossing the street for all you know. It was scary in a way that
the worlds that you reside connects from person to person. It's fascinating in
a way to live knowing that the people you meet might have some connections to
your past, a friend of an ex-lover perhaps. People are simple by design and the
people that you normally meet were people who runs along the same circle as you
do. You would have the same crowd only you never really met.
With
the way technology works at this age, obtaining information based on networks
became an easy access to those who have access. You could unearth a network of
people and connect it with another as long as you found a single similarities
among millions. Then diversity would not matter so long as you have a common
point of interest.
Diversity,
in a sense is a strong definition that negates the connotation of clones.
People could be different in terms of physique, people could be similar in
terms of the "in-trend" as we call it. In such ways, we could connect
it with the attitudes and the anthropological concept of immersion. When you
lose yourself in the network of friends, you would begin to think like them,
act like them and when time came that you were deemed useless you'll find
yourself facing an identity crisis. You lost a lot of things - your life, your
passion and the entirety of who you are gets buried with the amount of masks
you had worn.
With
the seeming disease that spreads like a viral infection, there was bias. The
concept of biased perception hinders complete transformation into the
"in-trend." This concept could harbor hatred and solidify it into a
wall of belief that washes away that clone-disease and somewhat keeps sanity in
tact. Bias, in a way, is something that could be seen in better light but it
was a harm as well as it clouds better judgment.
Judgment
and the ability to read people is one good weapon as to avoid losing oneself in
a sea of attitudes. Attitudes are contagious, you pick up habits that are hard
to rid, you pick things not weighing if the impact would be good or the
implications would land you a prison cell. Peer pressure is a factor. The fear
of being alone is a factor. The need for attention is a factor. Then, there
were those skeptics who don't appreciate the trend. Individualist are some
people who could highly be appreciation, they have judgment clouded with bias
and the ability to read people were somewhat like a hobby that kept them
occupied.
Individualist
are classified within observers who look out side the box or the pacifists who
doesn't care whether somebody was shot at on their faces. They walk with their
head bowed down staring on the ground, ears plugged with the sound of heavy
metal. They wear clouds out of whim, fashion sense outdated and could easily be
joked like being left over from the previous era.
People
are fascinating creatures to dwell into. People are easily moved by emotions.
People may seem poker-faced but grieve when in solitude. People who are easily
judged and people who could justify a person's acts by rumors.
