31Oct2010 Journal entry.

31 October 2010

It's my semestral break.

Kind of explains why I'm almost writing everyday.

Notice that when I do write long entries,

it's because I was bored, I just had a revelation, my head was full,

or the classic exams.

I opened another one note file.

It's an attempt.

I like writing stories.

Even if my grammar isn't THAT good.

Or my plot's really boring.

Or that I never really had a finished composition.

Seems like the only ones I finished were poems.

I love writing poems,

but I can't write something as bright as cheery,

I can't love love poems,

because I lack the experience.

Definitely.

I'm feeling a bit regretful, BTW.

I want to go this ani-con on November 6 but I don't have any money.

I've saved at least a hundred,

but now it's just 30 because I couldn't resist spending.

I'm a big spender.

maybe if i'm earning money, it'll all be used up before the month ends.

because I knew I'll have another batch by the next month.

I'm one stupid spender, who has poor management skills.

What the hell.

So yeah, THAT ani-con.

I wasn't going just because I learned that THAT is going.

(A bit rude of me to address a person as 'THAT')

I was going there originally,

I was only regretful because THAT was going and I can't.

It was like a promise that I'm going to break.

Not that I actually promised anything.

But I said I'm going to be there because I'll laugh at THAT costume.

I. Do. Not. LIKE. THAT.

THAT, the person.

(NOt yet?)

You know, I realized something.

I'm not really ready for relationships.

All these years, I was wishing for one.

But I realized, no, not really.

I'll just hang in here, enjoy my youth and worry about these things when I'm 25.

I'm still open for possibilities though.

Ack! That'll be for another 5 years!

JUST 5 years.

I'll be 20 in about 2 days.

Scary.

Birthdays are scaring me every year.

-Am posting this just for the heck of it.

Stress dump.

I'm typing to relieve stress.

I'm sleepy. I'm tired. My normal sleeping time was 3 hours max, with occasional small naps during small intervals in my everyday living.

College Hell's coming over for a week, exams are flooding and everything's becoming a tornado of procrastination and laziness. That my friend, what happens when negligence becomes your best friend and will tell you that time management is a sin.

So there, I've had this report, due tomorrow. Plus the presentation for this one. Then math homework. The need to study for three written exams and one laboratory exam. Not to mention the everyday chore I need to do. I don't really have the luxury to do my vices anymore (By vices I meant my daily dose of manga, drawing until my hands hurt or writing something ridiculous that makes people want to throw up for the cheesiness). Ah but, sooner or later I'll probably realize that these things when rushed produces no good results. That's always the trend with me: first I worry, after that I won't care, then if I don't fail, that's good. What simple minded reasons.

Aside from my never-ending problems with school as such, I also have one at home.

I mean, I love my dad. I don't blame anyone from what happened to him. But basically, when THAT happened to him, I'm starting to love my mom LESS. I mean, we've always been on the rocky side of the relationship but not to the verge of me loving her LESS. Maybe less like that is harsh, I meant less like, well, less in a minimal quantity. Anyway. It just gets annoying whenever she talks of her leaving us whenever she feels tired or something. What the heck happens to 'till death do us part'? It's her way of thinking that makes me want to puke. Like, is sshe the only one getting this type of feeling. Hell, that's what I've been feeling ever since (EVEN before THAT happened. No shit), and you don't see me threatening people that I'll leave or something. What a good way to show your kids unconditional love.

Oh yeah, what happened to my dad?

He's down with the stroke. Still on rehab, but greatly improving. I'm happy for the vast improvement. And I really appreciate him more than before. Well, mom, yeah, because whenever she's in front of my dad, she's really putting up a brave front. Like, she's in charge.

The only annoying face of her is when he's out to dreamland. God, it's depressing. You should hear her.

Ah, even if this post made it sound like she's the antagonist in my emo-story. I still love her. Less than before maybe, but the feeling will never be emptied.